Keeping all parties involved step by step, we provide a mutual beneficial outcome.

Finding ways to
smoothen the process

During our initial meeting it became clear that both partners first needed space to vent their grievances towards each other. After two joint sessions and one individual session, they were ready to make the first steps moving on from their relationship; the space was created to address the more practical side of the divorce, the division of assets.

They married two years ago, and were foreseeing enough to arrange the legal paternity over their children. However, they did not consider that they were wed under the community of property, making any prior verbal arrangements void. With experts in my network, Red mediation discovered the so-called repentance arrangement the couple could make use of. This arrangement within the Dutch law can make a verbal arrangement, surrounding equity matters, legally correct as well. This allowed them to arrange their affairs in the manner to which they intended, without negative financial or fiscal consequences.

The only thing left was the parenting plan. Clients recognized in each other the great parents that they are – and therefore very aware that the family love needed to be protected. We also explained that a parenting plan is a working document; part of our aftercare is that we always connect with clients after a year or so to hear if they are experiencing practical challenges.

Making a complicated process
seem simple

Separating with videocalls only? No problem. Even when it’s an international divorce, with multiple jurisdictions applicable. During their marriage this couple had drawn up a prenuptial agreement with a financial settlement of the assets abroad. However, that did not take the assets present in The Netherlands into account.

The wish was that one partner would keep all assets abroad and the other all local assets. In our network we have a family lawyer with extensive experience in international divorce cases. Some considerations needed to follow Dutch law, yet marital property would follow the abroad jurisdiction. This was specifically chosen in the prenup. We presented this case to the Dutch tax authorities, requesting this exception. Even though this was cleared, we went from one legal complication to the next. Even so, we could deliver on all of these challenges by being both thorough and creative. Up to the point where we drew up a loan agreement, otherwise Dutch gift tax rules would apply. In consultation with a financial advisor, we were able to provide an agreement tailor-made agreement, to fit their inclination and needs. This provided the ideal solution to a multi-layered, complex case.

Best of all, we could shield the couple from these complexities, resulting in the clients being able to keep their attention on divorce process and end their marriage collaboratively.

Norms are only

When kids or alimony obligation is involved, a divorce is never the end of dealings with each other. Two ex-partners approached us because their financial situations did change in the past years. They wanted to recalculate the alimony obligations. What made this situation particularly challenging, was the fact that one of the partners did not have a source of income, but was financially stable due to assets abroad. For the other, the living costs where significantly reduced with lowered mortgage costs.

Partner alimony as well as child support can be designed freely, however, norms exist that are generally accepted as being fair. Divorce experts often use these norms as the basis for their calculations. But with the income being anything but standard, it was an issue to determine the financial basis for the calculation.

It was crucial that both parties had an open mind and friendly intentions towards each other. This avoids lengthy processes with lawyers where nobody gains anything (except the lawyers themselves). In four sessions, the ex-couple was able to find an understanding to focus on what they needed from each other. A financial month average was established, based on current expenses and from there they were able to come to an agreement – which also included some future scenarios.

Finding the means towards
a common goal

A couple with little financial means asked us to accompany their divorce. They were married abroad, but build up a life in The Netherlands. Both expats resided here together for more than ten years, so their lives had become entangled. Separating them was pressing, as the home situation was far from ideal: with no financial means, the couple couldn’t live separately, as they could not afford this. The divorce needed to be initiated quickly in order to apply for emergency shelter.

RED mediation has the ability to provide assistance to the financial less fortunate as we are affiliated with the Board for Legal Aid (Raad voor Rechtsbijstand). There are special funds because the government decided that a well-executed divorce should be within reach for each and everyone. As such, the couple only had to pay a small contribution in order for them to be helped with settling their divorce.

Quite a few mediation sessions were needed as they required more help than we could offer. With our vast network of specialists in every field that is connected to a divorce plan, we can help everyone find the perfect solution. In the end, we were able to help them get divorced. After this, they could apply to the relevant bodies to get proper financial and emotional help.

The end of a journey, does not mean an end of a road. Aftercare is important.

The fine art of ending your relationship with just as much love as it began.

While we do have a standard road map


for a divorce, that map isn’t set in stone. There are so many variables, every fading relationship deserves a worthy ending. Unique and tailor-made. This is exactly why the first hour of the intake is for free: so you can start with a positive feeling that the outcome will be the best possible. Not for one, but for the both of you.

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